System Failures....

“Why Won’t People Adopt Siblings?” asks the Sky News article for the start of National Adoption Week. However, sometimes it’s the system that fails not the lack of prospective adoptive parents.

In 2006 my husband and I started our journey to become adoptive parents.  We decided we would like to adopt not only older children but siblings. We felt with our age and experiences we would be more suited to dealing with the issues around older children.  We also thought our lifestyle would better suit two or more children. 

The adoption process is painfully slow.  We made enquiries in October 2006.  It was March 2007 before we had our first appointment with a Social Worker.  July 2007 the application process started and in February 2008 we sat outside a council office waiting for the decision as to whether or not we would be allowed to adopt.  After a long wait the chairwoman of the adoption board came to see us and said our application was approved.

A few weeks after our approval a social worker daughter of some friends, said she knew of some children waiting to be adopted and she thought we would be a perfect match for the kids.  But she had encountered a problem – we weren’t showing on the list of approved adopters for siblings.

We contacted our Social Worker who said to be patient as we had our approval and the system just needed to be updated with our details.  The administrator had been sick and it could be a couple of weeks before she was up to date with her workload and we appeared on the system.

A few more weeks went by and we still weren’t on the system.  We contacted our Social Worker again and asked her to investigate.  This time she came back and said there was a mistake and we had not been approved to adopt siblings.  We were stunned.  For over 2 months we believed we had been approved as adoptive parents for siblings and we hadn’t.  Nobody knew why we had been declined.  As far as everyone was concerned we were approved it was just the written decision from the adoption board didn’t match the verbal confirmation they had given us.  We asked about appealing the decision and were informed there was nothing we could do.  We had to accept the decision.

I can’t help wondering how many other prospective parents have come forward to adopt siblings and encountered similar system failures.

We seem to have a system that fails not only the children waiting to be adopted but also the prospective parents.  It’s a system that has for too many years been admonished regularly by politicians but yet still fails to deliver the standard of service everyone needs or deserves.

As publicity starts for National Adoption Week my hope is that we get a system that works well for all concerned especially the venerable kids who just need a loving home.  My husband and I may not have been approved to adopt siblings but we were approved to adopt a child.  We now have a beautiful daughter who has been with us for six years.

   

 

National Adoption Week

65,000 Children in care in the UK. 65,000 is too many children in care.  Of these 65,000 kids, 3600 are babies and only 60 were adopted last year. National Adoption Week is the once a year chance to highlight the plight of these kids who really just want someone to care for them and love them.

The worst part of all this is that often it is not the lack of people wanting to foster or adopt these kids it is the very system that is suppose to protect them that is really letting them down.  The result of which is that many of these children spend their informative years in care and then go on to become tomorrows criminals.

I remember six years ago, my husband, Ron and I were having dinner with some friends. It was National Adoption Week and the publicity had made them think about fostering a child. Ron and I said we had always thought about adoption but as we had travelled so much it never seemed an appropriate time to adopt. We now considered ourselves too old to which they replied there is no age limit anymore. The next day we contacted our local council for information.

It took 5 months to get the first appointment with a Social Worker from the Council and another year to go through the screening process before finally being approved to adopt. We just needed the official notification of approval. That took another 3 months to come through. After receiving the notification another few months went by during which time we heard nothing from anyone.  We received no information about kids available for adoption and no communication from our Social Worker or Council.  So we notified our Council we wanted to go on the National Register. This went down like a ton of bricks.  'We like you to wait 12 months before going on the register' was the reply. We were now 2 years into the adoption process and not getting any younger so we insisted we be put on the National Register. We never went on the register as  surprisingly a couple of days later a child was available for us to consider adopting.  She was 8 years old. She lived in North England. We said yes and a few days later the Social Workers representing her came down to see us. Yes, we thought, things are starting to move now.

It took the North England Social Workers six months to decide if we should be put forward to a matching panel to consider if the now 9 year old girl should be allowed to move in with us.  Once she had moved in it was another 15 months before we were given their support to file for the adoption to be made final. This was only after we contacted NSPCC for a Child Advocate to represent our daughter. (another story to be told at another time)

Our 12 year old daughter is an absolute delight. She is witty and intelligent. Has a very caring and loving nature. She has wound around her little finger not just us but all our friends, family and even the teachers at her school who all describe her as adorable. She has her demons though not only from her past before she was taken into care but from the trauma of being in care. Moved between Foster Carers(most of whom do a wonderful job) and having numerous Social Workers, this comes out in the nightmares she endures. Once a nightly event they now rarely occur. Something we like to think is because we are providing the love and stability she needs.

It is National Adoption Week and I am sure there are many loving and caring families able to provide a nuturing home for one or more of the 65,000 kids who find themselves in care if only the system and the workers within the system will give them a fair chance.

http://www.giveachildahome.co.uk/